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just to see you smile
a while ago on my 101 in 1001 list i wrote i wanted to publicly thank people for kindnesses done to me, for me, however you want to word it.

for an example, i listed the cwob, an ex that i am still friends with all these years later who i adore in many ways, and also am thankful for the relationship we had. you can read about him here.

anyway, over the last 8 years of my life, b. has been a constant. we dated too, so he is an ex. but he's more than that to me. b. has been my best friend through so much in my life, that he really will always be a special someone in my life.

over the last couple of months, i've been really struggling. and he's been there. he's talked to me, let me stay at his house, comforted me, listened to me, and been a part of my life that without, i don't know what i'd do. every person has that one person who they can go to and feel completely safe. they can let down their guard, hand over their life, and know it will be cared for as well if not better than one would treat it themself. for me, that person is b.

in all my life, i have never had another person be as tolerant, kind, generous, loving, thoughtful, and respectful as b. nor has anyone else looked at me the way he has. at least not so that i knew it. a long time ago, just after we had dated and i was in one of my tailspins-unsure as to what i was doing, where i was going, or who i was anymore, he and i were struggling to figure 'us' out. we weren't dating anymore, but he still loved me, and i was introduced to this song.

just to see you smile
i'd do anything that you wanted me to
when all is said and done
i'd never count the cost
it's worth all that's lost
just to see you smile

when you said time was all you really needed
i walked away and let you have your space
'cause leavin' didn't hurt me near as badly
as the tears i saw rollin' down your face

and yesterday i knew just what you wanted
when you came walkin' up to me with him
so i told you that i was happy for you
and given the chance, i'd lie again

every single time i hear that song, and of course i own the cd for that song only, i think of b. and i think of how lucky i am that he is still my friend, he still loves me that much, he's still willing to be there through whatever hellish mess i've made. he will never know exactly how much he means because there simply aren't words to say it. but i think that even without knowing it, he feels it-because his heart is there with me wherever i go, whatever i do. and i know mine goes with him. i love you b.


Not that I am encouraging dating anytime soon because I'm not but thats the kind of guy you should end up with, ultimately someone like that. John was and is that person for me, and it took me awhile to realize that when you have someone like that you gotta scoop them up

2:56 AM  

yeah, he and i already dated. and i don't so much see it working out again, but i totally agree with you.
lucky girl. :)
(you that is)

2:54 PM  

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