(no longer a nanny)Kate

went to see the holiday last night. wow. if ever there was a right time, right place situation in my life, seeing it last night was it for me...
sheesh.
if you haven't seen it i highly recommend it. regardless of it being seen as a 'chick flick' or whatever, it is amazingly insightful and really ...it was where i'm at.

this thing with sean, i don't know what happened with us exactly, but i know that it has been silently killing me. its not that i don't think i'll survive or that what he did was just plain immature and all that stuff. i know he was the one who messed up, he decided this, etc etc etc etc etc.

i've heard it all and thought it all.

but until last night no one ever so eloquently put my feelings into words as kate winslet's character iris.



'Because you're hoping you're wrong and every time (s)he does something that tells you (s)he's no good you ignore it and every time (s)he comes through and surprises you (s)he wins you over and you lose that argument with yourself that (s)he's not for you.'

'I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible and how it can actually ache in places that you didn’t know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join or how many glasses of Chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood and how in the hell in that brief moment you could think you were that happy and sometimes you can even convince yourself that he’ll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be you’ll go somewhere new and meet people who make you feel worthwhile again and little pieces of your soul will finally come back and all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted that will eventually begin to fade.'


i don't know who of the writers wrote that line... but thank God someone was able to put into words exactly what i've been feeling. have also discovered that being the leading lady of my own life is far more important. finding my own gumption is going to make me the better person in the end. and that sean, ... well he just isn't worth it. rarely will you find a man who is worth the heartache. i've yet to find my 'him'. but in the meantime, its time i stopped moping.

should re-write my list which i haven't touched in ages and check that one off of it.
:)