posted by
kate g
at
10:33 PM
in case i've failed to mention it
to write love on her arms is the 1 of the 2 causes i fully support (the other being the susan g. koman crew). twloha is amazing. how it began and all can be read on their page, but my desire to further their message...
well, if you know me, then you know all about gary already. and you know my struggles with depression and anxiety. and you know that my kids are the most important aspect of my life. and you know that the mix of those has created in me this burning... that gary's death sparked and that i cannot fathom my life without anymore.
i read postsecret every week. today, this postcard was on it.
i have never cut myself. nor forced myself to throw up. nor starved myself. i've never tried to inflict damage on myself or another person. but i have been depressed and overwhelmed beyond all measure. the kind where tears have run dry and i'm shaking from exhaustion and cannot control how fast or where my thoughts are going. the desperate kind. the really desperate sort.
but having lost gary, i've never become THAT desperate. i've never actually done anything to myself to actually hurt myself. somehow, i just couldn't leave everyone in my life with the same kind of wondering hurt that i was left with when he died.
this isn't meant to sound like i'm better or have defeated my demons. far from it. i've been struggling bigtime lately with a few of my ...high-anxiety-inducing demons. this is just to say that i haven't ever been in that exact same situation, though i can understand the thing that drives someone there. the reason for this post is different. i'm commending the person who is done with that stuff. that way of dealing with the pain, the struggle, the hurt. i'm impressed by people who are able to end the cutting or bulemia. so to the person who sent in that postcard- thoughts and prayers are with you. stay strong.
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