Merry Christmas!
it is of course that time of year when all the last minute shoppers are out and in crazed form. (myself included) this means that they are all over wegmans, all over the mall, all over every store, all trying to find those presents that are perfect without knocking others over (it IS christmas after all). wegs is of course a madhouse. luckily, i am hidden in video, :) safe and sound.
but last night i went out shopping with my brother, and bought more than i should have, but succeeded in finding some gifts that i think are in fact perfect. :) yay! we also went out with some friends of mine and i, who doesn't drink at all EVER had 3 drinks, including a shot of something that steven claims isn't going to do any damage. needless to say, my head was swimming, i was giggling like a maniac last night, and am feeling like i'm a little out of it today. excellent. topping it off, we're doing it again tonight. rock on!
and it is a merry christmas in spite of, or perhaps because of all thats happened lately. i say because of not because i feel like all the chaos i've undergone has aided things being all right now, but because i feel that each of those events has lead me to a place where i am more grateful than i've been in a long time. i am satisfied with what i have and deeply thankful for my friends and family who have listened, supported, helped me move, given time, and just been there. and that does make this christmas merry
pj
about 5 years ago, i met this guy. he was the friend of a friend. he and i became friends, and now, 5 years later, he is more vital to my well being than i ever imagined he could be. at the beginning, he was my friend's other best friend. they were close, they lived near each other, they were something of a thing. she wouldn't ever talk about it, but it was obvious to all anyway. (yes it was). he was there, we would read each others' blogs, post comments, and had an understanding of each other that she couldn't have, simply because her parents are still a single unit. ours have, in different ways, gone their separate ways. he and i were adult children of divorce. and had that, which if you've lived through your parents divorce is HUGE, in common. but really, for a while our communication was kind of vague, somewhat through her or the internet.
and then, as things do, it all changed.
he has become, in the last 3 years, my best friend. someone i talk to, turn to, look up to, need in my life, and love like nothing else. we hadn't even seen each other in 3 years until august, but our communication had grown, our connection had gotten so strong, ...what we have, i can't even compare to anything before, because it is so unique, and so precious to me. peej is kind, thoughtful, honest and sincere. he is sweet and loving, he says all the right things, but means them (being honest and all). he thinks deep. he shares it. he's willing to share it, which in some ways is terrifying probably much more to him than anyone of course, but he does it anyway. getting the fears, hopes, dreams, desires, frustrations- all of it- out into the universe. speaking out his truth has helped me see so much about myself, my own worth, that without him i would be a very different person. and learning about who he is- being given that depth... its amazing.
he is fiercly protective of his sisters, mom, and lady friends. me included. he is the brother we'd all love to have, the husband we're all looking for, the best friend we all deserve and want.
and everyday i am thankful for him in my life.
i love you peej.
to be filed under 'kate's had a rough three weeks and really needs a vacation'
so as mentioned, my car was flooded, i got sick and spent a good chunk of one day in the hospital, i moved ... twice now... and had been dating someone and now... well i'm not. so i think i've had about all i can handle. i've honestly looked heavenward multiple times and said 'are you kidding?' seriously. i know there isn't ever more than i can handle, but really, i'm at my breaking point. displayed by the massive house fight that happened 2 days after moving into the house... not good. long story. ...and so we move on.
and of course, there is school. the semester is winding down, which means of course everything is due, and everything best be done. now if not last week. this of course means i need to hurry up and get it done, while studying too. ...maybe i should retitle this 'kate's going to whine. so if you don't want to hear it, come back in a few days'.
really, things are beginning to be better. well they were. till friday. i know that i can be bitchy and whiny. i know that lately, my entire life has felt as though its falling apart and so those around me, closest to me, have had a lot to deal with. more than my normal. as well, i will honestly tell you that i was at the point of going off my anti-anxiety meds, and had begun the day the flood occurred. and now... well i'm still trying to go off of it. i don't want to need it anymore. but its incredibly difficult when things like this all happen at once.
the part i really don't get, is don't i deserve some good to have happened in all this? i am a good honest person. i try hard, i do my work, i don't cheat, i can't lie, i don't steal, i'm a goody two shoes. pretty boring mostly, but i try to be a good person all around. and yet everything in my life fell apart within 3 weeks. including, as mentioned, the relationship that i'd been enjoying and appreciating as the one good thing that was going on. and sean has decided its too much. i don't blame him... i just wish he'd talked it over with me first. let me know he was thinking this before springing it on me.
a few days ago i was working with brandon who was talking about karma and what goes around comes around and the negatives plaguing someone connected to his life. and i looked at him and said 'what about me?' i work hard, honest, i try, etc etc etc.
he told me i was due and that i should play the lottery.
if i win, i'm taking him on vacation.