(no longer a nanny)Kate

the luckiest

lately i've found my mind wandering about a variety of things. and listening to other people talk about their relationships and thinking back on my past boyfriends. and there are things i miss about those guys being in my life. each of them brought something different to me and to the relationship that i didn't find in anyone else. kevin always knew just what to say or do, b made me feel like there was no one better in the world, ben was an angel and taught me about openness, i had so much fun with the cwob and laughed all the time... and so on and so forth.

and i can look at each of these guys and be grateful. for what was. i think over the last few months, rick and i were struggling. at least i was. struggling with all that was going on and trying to find time and feeling alone in it. and it wasn't until last week that i really knew he was in it with me- completely. and so now, instead of feeling like i miss things those guys gave me or being wistful about it... i'm just glad they were in my life at the times they were there. and i see that broken road and all the mistakes i made. and i know that each of those relationships were great as they were, those guys did all they could just like i did all i could, and we did the best we could with what we had at that time in our lives.

and maybe this doesn't make sense. but i have always had a tendancy to look backward and wish for those good things to come forward, to have whatever it was exist again. and finally, i'm realizing how really good i have it now. now life is good. i have two jobs that are paying me pretty well now, i have health insurance, i have a family who loves me, i have all these people to be thankful for... and especially rick. i have rediscovered exactly how incredible he is. how perfect he is for me. and how much i am grateful for him. i really am the luckiest girl.



'I don't get many things right the first time
In fact, I am told that a lot
Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls
Brought me here

And where was I before the day
That I first saw your lovely face?
Now I see it everyday
And I know

That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest

What if I'd been born fifty years before you
In a house on a street where you lived?
Maybe I'd be outside as you passed on your bike
Would I know?

And in a white sea of eyes
I see one pair that I recognize
And I know

That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest

I love you more than I have ever found a way to say to you

Next door there's an old man who lived to his nineties
And one day passed away in his sleep
And his wife; she stayed for a couple of days
And passed away

I'm sorry, I know that's a strange way to tell you that I know we belong
That I know

That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest'
(thanks ben folds)