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something went wrong
you're not laughing
it's not so easy now to get you to smile
you gotta be strong
to walk these streets
and keep from falling
but when you're not, just let yourself cry

you've been working hard
just trying to pay the rent
tryin' to draw the line between who you are
and who you invent
but if you throw a stone
something's gonna shatter somewhere
we're all so fragile
we're all so scared

you say you wanna learn how to live your life
without tears
but we've been trying to do that for thousands of years
so go on and cry ophelia
it's the only thing to do sometimes
you know i'm crying too
right there with you
it's alright Ophelia
everybody cries

thank god for my bad memory
i've forgotten some of the stupid things
that i've done
i've come to a little wisdom
through a whole lot of failure
so i watch more carefully what rolls off my tongue

you pray for rain
but you don't want it from a storm
you find a rose
and cut your finger on a thorn
so go on and cry ophelia
it's the only thing to do sometimes
you know I'm crying too
right there with you
it's alright ophelia
everybody cries ophelia
-adam cohen

i feel like i must be ophelia. i have built up tears about my mom's breast cancer 2 years ago. about losing my grandmother 5 years ago. about losing my aunt susan 6 years ago. about rick going back to school, and away from me. about how hard it is for me to like k. about the church. about friends i don't talk to anymore. about friends i talk to but they just live a bazillion miles away (hello, i mean texas? honestly). about figuring out exactly who i am. about playing victim and not wanting to be that person. about being the person i am and not wanting the attributes of me to be so available to the world. i just...i don't like feeling this way.

but i guess knowing it's ok helps a little.


Hey NannyKate--

You aren't the only one who feels that way. Sometimes it seems like the tragedy in our lives is just too overwhelming to possibly bear.

Obviously I don't know you well, and can't neccessarily directly relate to everything you are feeling. But feelings of overwhelming loss, sadness, and lonliness are all places that I've been, and I can relate to sometimes just wanting to cry for hours or days or weeks, until everything is ok again, or at least back to the way it used to be.

I don't feel qualified to offer you any advice. But if it makes you feel better, when I read your post, I felt like I could have written it myself somedays.

I hope you start feeling better:).

2:51 PM  

mrs elliotpreciouspants (who's name i love)- thanks. i think last week i let myself really wallow in how i was feeling. rick's gone away, i'm beyond frustrated with the job, i am really overwhelmed by the idea of a biopsy, and i'm just... yeah. that stuff i wrote.
thank you for understanding and telling me you do. it helps to know i'm not the only one who feels this way.
(i do feel better this week, plus it's a week closer to rick being home and things at the job are a little better, i'm always better when we've begun a rotation.)

10:46 AM  

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