(no longer a nanny)Kate

who he is

i was reading tequila mockingbird's website today. i've found that she writes so honestly and openly, she speaks to my heart and what i feel. i read that post and had tears in my eyes.

not that i'm not with rick, because i am, and consider myself a very lucky girl. he is kind and wonderful and loving and cooks and fixes things and is there and makes me feel loved and is the first man in my life to ever tell me i'm beautiful.

sometimes i read things like her post and think, 'why can't rick be more like that?' like why doesn't he kiss me that way, or something similar. i want to feel like she described.

the thing is, he is perfect for me on so many levels... and i do feel that way. more than i realize. contentment is what i feel. he does cook, delicious meals, and quite often, without meat. he is willing to eat fish because i won't eat pork or beef. he also spends extra time on finding recipes we're both happy with, or creating them. he is a creative thinker and also incredibly intelligent and i love that. it's not just the cooking that benefits. he does all those things i've mentioned before, laundry, fixing things, organizing, cleaning, etc. and those things, are done with love. and are demonstrative of his love. he is there. he listens to me. he lets me get grouchy and then lets me be alone and he tells me what he needs, thinks, wants, feels. he allows me to be me, and this is the first time in my life i've felt comfortable to really be myself completely with someone who isn't my parents. to me, that is so much more than i could have ever asked for. it's more than i believed i would have in my life.

i am someone who has to talk, a lot, about everything. sometimes, it helps when i talk out loud about things, because i can think through it and come to whatever conclusion i need. or get the emotions out so i can move past whatever it is, or feel things and be ok with what i'm feeling or even thinking. there are people in my life, and have been people in my life who have made me feel like i'm wrong or somehow am talking too much, or am too honest, or the like. with rick, i'm allowed to be all that, and not feel that way. not feel like i'm overwhelming him or burdening him. i can be honest and it's fine. i hope that i do the same for him. i doubt i am as good at it as he, but at least i'm trying.

i know i'm far from perfect. i know that lately, i feel like i'm not doing what i should be with my life or that my intelligence is disappearing (probably because i'm not doing what i should be learning-wise), and i know i can be irritating and talk too much and say more than i should or apologize too much or am just plain too much sometimes. but with rick, i feel like i'm ok. like i'm perfect as i am, and that is all i've ever strove to feel in my life, that i am the perfect me, always striving for some changes and to be a better me, but still, perfect as is. ...and the best gift i've ever gotten, is that.

from rick.

and that is who he is.

my perfect partner in life. my best friend. my love. my home. and i am so lucky, because i am home when i am with him. wherever we are...