(no longer a nanny)Kate

...between a love wounded and a hope for healing. ~guenevere, the queen of summer country

i think that is where b. and i are now.

despite all that has happened, and there was so very much that happened and changed me and hurt me... but i know there has been so much that did the same to him. ...i think we're at the point now where we realize and know so much about the very core of who 'we' are. time apart, though it hasnt' changed the way i feel, has changed what i know. and we're in that place. love has been wounded, we've been wounded. and i know we're both at a point where we are desperate for real healing between us. ...


and i told him. the regret from ages and ages back, ....
'so much is resting on something that 1) i wish i'd never shared, and 2) i no longer believe. and if only i hadn't believed it from the beginning... ...the one regret in my life ...~believing someone not worthy of my trust, and telling b. what i believed.'

(see sept. 2003 archives) ... i've done things in my life i wish i hadn't. many things. but only one regret. and it will never be made right. i can apoligize until i die. he can forgive me a million times over. but it will never ever change the fact that it was said, it was thought, it will always be there.

everything changes in a heartbeat.




i am so very sorry.