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things i don't understand

1) why people insist on calling me and not talking
2) leaving messages of silence too... what is that?
3) why a college graduate is having to work 3 jobs and isn't getting anywhere in life
4) why things are so... broken with b. and i
5) why my pookie is so far away
6) why i had to lose gary at 16, aunt susan at 21, and my grandma at 23... way before i was ever going to be ready to let them go
7) why my brother is so far
8) why my diocese is in such a mess
9) how i'm going to get all my caritas written
10) why college is so expensive
11) why i signed up for nanowrimo
12) why God loves me at all

sometimes i just don't know. i don't know how i'm going to accomplish all the things i need to have done for this weekend. i don't know how i'm going to get everything done for next weekend. i don't know how long i'm going to be able to live like this. i know a big part of the stress factor right now is the fact that this weekend is happening and next weekend is convention, both a HUGE deal in my church. both of which i'm a part of. given, it's by choice in some ways, but in others... it's becomming a bigger thing than i thought this diocesan stuff....

and for some reason someone finds it to be fun to call me and not speak. why is this?

what is wrong with this world?? how did i end up in this position? in this place? ....i never once envisioned my life taking this way. ...i miss the dreams of an 18 year old me. and somehow i missed out on them. .....


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