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pip posted this a day or so ago...

the things we remember most in this life... regaring the ones we care about more than anything...

wont be their actions.

or the words they speak.

it wont be the gifts given....

or special times shared.

more and more im realizing, that the things we will remember most vividly... will be when they let the silence speak for them.

it may be that they simply stand silently with you, knowing words wont change anything, as you watch your family disintegrate.

it may be that they support you through silent love and emotionally being there, when your world falls apart....

or it may simply be that the silence... was caused by them not being there.

i firmly believe that you dont truly know someone until you've expierenced their silence...

because in the silence... the truth begins to scream.

i can truly say with all i am how real this has been for me. i am 6+ hours from every person in my family. i am 6+ hours from one best friend and almost 8 from another. i have the church family i have been welcomed into for the past year surrounding me, but everyone else, who has known me and loved me is no where near me. and even the people here, are in silence with me.

because there is nothing to say.

besides this sucks. and i'm sorry. and you'll be ok. .... and after they've said those words, there isn't anything to say to me. not right now. not really. other things have been said, josh has certainly said those. as have others. but there really isn't anything after that.... not for this.

but the checking up on me, the e-cards, the kindness offered in hugs, online ones too, the letting me stay, the phone calls to ask... but more than all that, the quiet strength i'm being given in the people who love me. and know i am not insane, nor am i a failure... that is what i have needed most. and that is what i have been given.

screaming silence, screaming truth. best of it all, screaming love.

i think that may be the coolest idea, screaming love.

that's what i have. nothing else. no job, no home, no space to call mine or idea of where to go from here, but i've got screaming love.



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