(no longer a nanny)Kate

lies.... lies lies lies....

so i had posted this insanely horrid blog the night before last... all because i chose to believe someone instead of my best friend, b.

now here's the thing, i didn't want to believe it. it tore my apart. i was so scared, so hurt, so ...distraught at the idea of what i'd been told, and partially, that's why i believed it. ...does that make sense? no. my irrational being took over and i flew from jealousy to rage. i realize my current situation did nothing to help the emotional state i ended up in... but i hadn't realized what that one idea, that one thought could really do to me.

i am so sorry b.

and sorry to my pookie and pipson for freaking them out. sorry guys. but... pookie knows.

anyway, this now leads me to a new thought, do i trust this other individual in other things that have been said? can i? when it came to it the other night, i blindly accepted their word as truth. i have accepted this person's word in other areas as well.... in areas that have severely affected my emotions and opinion of another indivual.... this 2nd person never had a chance because of what the first person said.... i don't think i'm quick to judge. but the question has always been, why would they lie about this? then again, why would they have told the tale they told the other night? what good could have come from that? ....the real question, what's in it for them to have created the situation that they did????

my answer is that i don't know. because now... for me to question the validity of the aforemention 2nd individual.... certainly doesn't help the 1st person....

confusing, yes. when has my life been easy???

as my dad's girlfriend said, when is this kid going to get a break???

i don't know that answer at all.... oi.