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crashing head first into the fear

i'll just come out with it. i am terrified to start working in my field. i did three clinicals, passed my classes, graduated... all of it. i did well. and my last instructor said i was ready. and let me tell you, mary would be the one person who would outright say to someone 'you're not ready'. and while i know she wouldn't want to hold someone back, i know she wouldn't let me go on or sign papers for julie if she didn't believe i was ready.

and yet i am still scared out of my mind.

actually working and taking care of people... what if i mess up? what if i fail? what if this doesn't work out? what if... all of it was for nothing..?

terrified. out of my mind. and i'm letting myself fall into that nothing mode. working retail -i hate it!- isn't what i want to do. i spent three years and a lot of money and time and energy doing this and fear has been paralyzing me.

and its winning.

so i'm not letting it anymore. i'm hoping to interview within the next week or so with a clinic here. long term i'd like to be in a hospital with traumatic brain injuries because i think my patience with people in that area is something that is helpful.. i enjoyed my hospital experiences and i think it'd be good for me. but for now, for a lot of reasons, i'm starting here. scared. but starting. :S


go. and consider me here to cheer you on.

so proud of you!

11:10 PM  

Know what? You will mess up if you go and do this new thing, but know what else you will never have the opportunity to be amazing at it if you don't. People become great not because they go out and do something and get lucky enough to never mess up. They become great because they do their best to get right, but then when they don't they work twice as hard to not mess it up in the same way again. Take this process repeat; trust in your training, trust more in Grace, and there you'll have it: greatness. Or you can stay in retail. Choice is yours.

12:36 AM  

You know, my first nursing job out of scchool I almost didn't show up because I thought I was going to screwup and kill someone. I thought I'll just do something else. But I went and never looked back. It was easy. Especialy the first few days where I just filled out paperwork and got oriented. I only killed 2.

It will be a breeze.

11:24 PM  

thanks all.
its not winning. that clinic...not wanting to work there for a bunch of reasons. but am looking elsewhere.
its definitely time.

6:49 PM  

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