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what i want

i've been trying to figure this out lately. since it seems that i just plain don't know anymore.

and i know its odd, but i googled it. and found this article. (yes, i'm supposed to be working on my paper. i'm trying. i am.) i also found a bunch of pages telling me i want to buy their products, and an oprah page generally telling me to go after my passion. which ... i'm working on doing. but am unsure about the big picture passion. that'd be another post altogether..
i agree with the author in a lot of ways. i mean when you get down towards the end of the article and said authors specifics. i'm not sure i'm all that concerned about leadership and status, but the rest, i agree with. relationship-wise, that is.

what do i really want? in no particular order, here it is. the 'what kate really wants list....'

~ i want to have enough money to give away to people without worrying. i want to be secure, have bills paid, and be warm, fed, and comfy. i don't need a big house, expensive cars, or lots of things (i'm still trying to get rid of a lot of those things-papers, notes, cards, silly youth ministry toys- i've accumulated). i want financial security. and since returning to school, i have completely no idea what that is. and its painful and difficult. i'd like to be able to help my friends if they need it. ...a couple of my kids are in not so good situations. and i wish so much i could help them.

~ i want a dog. i want a sagey of my own, or a biscuit. i threaten to steal him, and i might do it once i graduate... but i want a dog. i know that having a critter will force me outside to walk everyday like i want. having a dog will give me more though...i want a bouncing happy excitable joy-filled pup in my life. i know they shed, i know they make messes and it takes a while to train them. i know that my life will have more fur, more poop, more expense, more mess, and much more chewed furniture. i'm ok with it. i want a dog.

~ i want to create. i love creating, i love stamping, painting, knitting, lettering, photographing writing (though i admit this last one i'm not so great at). i want to be able to create all the time- jewelry, art, pictures, cards, scarves, blankets, and so on. i want to be able to do that full time and run away from retail. which sort of doesn't make sense, but there it is.
~ i want to travel and visit people before i can't anymore. i've been missing some people in my life lately that are no longer here for me to visit. i don't want to feel that i've missed out with others-family members, friends, former kids. i want to be able to see people who have meant something to my life, this would mean i need to travel. (which is also why i've been considering becoming a travelling PTA after i graduate...)
~i want a relationship thats fun and honest, open, loving, and fits. i want to be with someone who makes sense with me. one that makes sense to me. i don't think i want to meet someone who is my polar opposite, nor do i want someone exactly like me. but i want to find someone who is compatable. someone who i fit with... i need to be attracted to him but its gotta be deeper than looks. that spark. i need a relationship thats big and fun. probably a little crazy, but mostly i want contentment in it. i want to know that i'm as vital to him as he is to me, and feel peace in it.
~ i want my massage therapy degree. i want to be able to go back to school, not worry about money and can i get through because i'm back in school again, but i want to become licensed in that too. i think that i will, probably sooner rather than later, but i'd like to have a degree in massage therapy.
~ also, recent events to my car considered as well as this ongoing war that i don't see us getting out of soon and the continual... well degredation that seems to exist. i'd like to live in a kinder, more peaceful world.


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