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personal dna, version 2

since i've done the visual dna, not a personal dna before, i thought i'd try it. :)

i am...

which i find interesting...
some of the things this little test also told me were

~for the dreamer part of me~
"Although you often think more broadly, you prefer comfort to adventure, choosing to stay within the boundaries of your current situation"
"Though your dreams are quite vivid, you are cautious in following up on them."
" A sense of vulnerability sometimes holds you back, stifling your creative tendencies."

and for the ~benevolent~ part of me
"Your caring nature goes beyond a basic concern: you take the time to understand the nuances of people's situations before passing any sort of judgment"
"You're concerned with others at both an individual and societal level—you sympathize with the plights of troubled groups, and you can care about people you've never met."
"You don't mind being in social situations, as you feel comfortable enough with people to be yourself."

i think what i found most interesting was a last part of the test results when it showed a large scale of traits and where i fall on a scale of 30,000 people who have taken it, for example i scored a 2% on masculinity, which means of 30,000 people, only 2% entered lower values. which i know i'm not masculine, but i find interesting there simply because i am (usually) the only girl with my guy friends. and while they tend to (try to) treat me as a girl, sometimes they forget i am and say things i KNOW they'd never say in front of other girls. (i feel like that one girl on euro trip)

anyway, back to what i found interesting, i scored incredibly high (96%) on my trust in others, but very low in confidence. which i am fully aware of lack of it. i wish i had more confidence in myself, but i just never really have. and lately, like this entire past year, i've not felt like myself. i've mentioned it before, but then i've also mentioned i have felt like myself-i go back and forth quite a bit. i think its been a lot of things occurring at about the same time...i no longer know who i am or what i'm doing. and i'm just continuing on my own dark little way without really any light directing me.
and to be honest, i'm terrified. there are people and things i love, and things i love to do, but incorporating it all together-making my desires fit with my abilities and all coming together for the greater good- its too big for little weak me to handle.

at least thats how i feel.

there is so much i want to do and i sometimes feel like i'm heading down the right road to it, but then some little bump will occur followed by several other little ones and those make me question everything...(lack of confidence) and then i end up making decisions rashly and causing myself more pain. i've made some really bad decisions this past year or so and really made a mess of myself and my life. being in school and not being able to work full time has certainly aided that pretty good, but regardless, its been my choices, my decisions. and i've made some very bad ones. and relational-wise, those have nothing to do with school and work or lack of...

i just... wish it was different. that i was different...


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