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just recently

had a conversation with one of my friends from virginia online. i haven't seen him since i left virginia, and haven't actually had much communication with him at all in about a year or two, up until last week.
he is awesome and fun and funny. really intelligent and all. but sometimes, he, like all you men and really all us women, can disappoint. and i won't go into the reason for my disappointment, its irrelevant. but suffice it to say, i was. and then he was kidding around about a couple of things... and felt i was angry or something. which while i'd been disappointed, i was far from angry. but i realized something which i will now, with very minor editing (as in i only took out the last name of said steve), post.

kate: i am just realizing that i lose touch with people far too often. and it isn't for lack of thinking about them. often, it just happens. and i think my sentimentality is stronger than most other people's when i say that i have thought of you or ...other things, i mean them. because i have thought of you, i do feel like we missed out because i wasn't there for that long and our friendship could be more. but i have a lot of people in my life just as you do... it just...

kate: makes me think that the out of sight out of mind is far more true for some more than others.

kate: i am one where it isn't necessarily true.

kate: thats all.

Stephen: :(

and its true for me. i am incredibly sentimental (pack rat) about people and things. i hold onto the past a lot and have trouble with change. i miss friends i haven't seen in years. which is why my myspace and now facebook are awesome for me... and i sometimes take far longer to get over things than perhaps i should. it isn't just about reminiscing. its more about keeping the good alive. (i think) and that i want that. i feel like there is just so much negative in the world, that any good we can create or leave in the world is a gift. and ... i just outright miss those gifts that were in my life.

so to steve and the others in my life that i miss and either can't keep in touch with or just plain haven't been good at it... karrie bunch, deanna doolittle, jon-e and matt, carly albright, rick, b (lately...), z, dustin, mark gardener, dave prevosti, jen grape, shawn finity, alisa wood, heidi, some of my kids, some of my cousins, and other friends... i'm sorry. because i do think about you all.

and to those who i do keep in touch with but are just really far away- i miss you. just because you are out of my sight does not mean that you are ever far from my thoughts. nature boy, pabs, mari, my brother, vaughn, critter, elizabeth and kathleen, pete, maria, amy, scott, matthew, leo, and on and on.... this is especially true of my peej. he has no idea how much i love him.

but friends make your life. the people in your life, they are most important. don't forget that. i do feel like i've missed out with some people. steve in particular. i wasn't around that much -only a year- and had i been there longer, our friendship could be different. just more. not a relationship or all serious and whatever else, just more than what it is. which is what i think we'd both hoped for... and it just is really tough to develop and maintain.


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