tribes
so i know i read a quote once that said something about friends being from the same tribe... or finding the people who are part of our tribes... i will look for it, but the gist remains this- sometimes, we are lucky enough to find people we belong with. i know that in my life, though i have a million kids, i don't have many people i consider part of my tribe, or maybe that i consider myself a part of theirs. there just aren't. at least not my age. (let me sum that up since undoubtedly i've confused people, there are very very very few people in my life in feel a connection to that are my age. many people i feel connected to are a)related to me and therefore either are my parents or around my parents or grandparents ages or my brother (who is actually younger) or b)are not related but are still closer to my parents ages than my own age)
doubting again that i've made sense, i just read this post on dooce's site. and all of it, i get. i feel connected to this woman i've never met who lives in utah of all places. i feel connected to her because she laughs about silly often stupid things for days. this crazy woman who writes about her daughter, husband, and dog (as well as the entire family usually) honestly, and lovingly even when she's telling her baby girl that her (leta's) tantrums drive her (dooce) to insanity. i feel a connection to her, because of what she says and how she says it, speaks to my heart.
if you choose not to read it, it's ok, i can re-cap the basics here. she loves her husband and dog (and daughter now too) with all she's got. and it is love beyond all else in her life. she has discovered that without them, she would not be the same person, and she doesn't want to be anyone different. she is so deeply in love with them, nothing else compares.
in my life, i have felt love for many different people. my kids, i adore them all. even though there are many that i have no idea where they are. ...if i tried to name all of the kids i've worked with i am sure that i would miss some people, but i am also just as certain that i would name at least 400 people. how insane is that? i love all of them dearly and wish them all happiness and health and people to share it with. i especially realized how much i love my kids when i have had to leave them. leaving the little ones, miss s. and miss j., was the hardest. perhaps because i lived with them, perhaps because i was so closely knit into their very beings at that point, perhaps because i realized my leaving would just be another nanny leaving, and would not affect them the same, and perhaps too, because miss j. will/probably has forgotten me and she was the very most wonderful child i can think of (except of course my precious miss t. who is and always will be my baby girl). miss j. was my girl that year, and i still miss her little voice and asking to sit on my yap. ...sigh.
my family, obviously, is the most important group of people in my life. my parents and i have had our share of disagreements and arguements, culminating at one point with my thinking of divorcing them. (not kidding). but without my parents, i do not know what i would do. my parents, all four of them, are priceless. and i am very lucky to have them love me the way they do and teach me, give to me, share with me, cook for me, let me cook for them, guide me, and show me what life is about. and my brother, he told me recently that he is doing what he is with his life, because i used to run sound/light boards when i was in high school and how cool that was. truly, i gotta say that we were rather a nerdy/geeky bunch in the techie world. he is far cooler than i, and what's coolest, is it's attributed (in a roundabout way) to me. :) my grandparents and cousins and aunts and uncles are pretty great too. (too much for me to go into as this post is already this long).
and rick. at the end of dooce's post, she said something to the effect of knowing the depth of her joy of the love she feels 'is as meaningful as it is because the loss of it would break my body in two'. i love him to pieces. he is the most important, most precious, most joy giving person in my life, he provides me with home, sanctity, safety, pride, ...and with self worth. and although i know myself well enough to know that somehow i would survive if we were to ever end, i know that the loss itself, would in fact break me in two.
we're talking about getting a dog and are in the midst of looking and trying to catch crazylandlady to talk to her about having a dog at the house, and his sister (the reason we're together to begin with) had a talk with both of us (at different times). the point she was aiming at is we should be officially committed to one another before we go ahead and adopt any four-legged children. we talked about it a bit last night, (the talks kristen had with us) and he said 'it's not like we're going to break up'.
:)
i love him. we belong.
**editor's note: found the quote, attributed to carrie fisher
'every so often you run into someone from your tribe, a magic person, people who give without keeping lists and receive with gratitude. these magic people become like family.'
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