(no longer a nanny)Kate

things i've done today
(keeping in mind the time, 10:50 am)
~sent out about 5 emails to people re:church business
~sent an apology email to a friend i haven't spoken to in 4 years
~created, made, and posted a sign announcing the youth activity for TOMORROW because no one else did it ...and it seems to be my new job
~sent the contract for NB
~read, with interest, tim's page, pip's page, and someone named suki think i have found a new page to add to the list over there ->
~talked to my mom, she and stepdad got new cell phones. she's excited about it. and feeling better. pnuemonia sucks. so does cancer.
~found 2 more jobs to apply to in rochester
~made up the scavenger hunt for the kids tomorrow, or rather finished it and copied it

and would like to point out that i worked till 1 am at wegs and thereby didn't get to sleep until 2 and was up at 7:30, what the ...?

having read pip's page, ...i don't honestly know how to reply. my heart breaks for him, and i understand some of what he's feeling. but i can't fully. i'm not him, i haven't been through all he's been through, nor do i even know what all he's been through because i haven't asked. divorce is a big enough thing, and painful enough thing, anything beyond that (parent's fighting, custody issues, parents bad-talking each other, hating parents who hate each other, etc.) just rubs salt in the wound.

i do know that seeing yourself in your parents sometimes really sucks. i happen to finally be in a place where i not only get along with all my parents, but really like them for who they are. and appreciate what they are and can acknowledge, finally, after years of mother daughter battles, that my mom is one of my heroes. she wasn't for many years. i disagreed with most everything she said and did. i still don't think some of the things she's done were right, but parents are human and make mistakes too. i've made more than my fair share of them.... having re-read my journals from late high-school into college. freakin maniac and boy-crazy fiend was i. made a lot of mistakes. made a lot of very bad choices. anyway, i digress. my point was that parents and children are part of each other. which can be good and bad. sometimes though, we're all each other has.

my mom went into the hospital this week. thought we were dealing with a heart attack. i was there monday night when the nurse came in to do the actual 'admittance papers'. she was going through the history questions and got to family history. now for me, my answer has been 'some diabetes on dad's side, otherwise fairly healthy'. i now answer with 'mom had breast cancer'. which is hard enough to think much less say out loud. but sitting with my mom, she had no answer. she said it, as she has before, 'the only history i have is myself, and kate is my only biological relation'.

i am all she's got, at the end of it all, medically, biologoically, genetically, and health-wise speaking, i'm it. her and i, facing all the diseases and maladies of the world. i do have my dad's family history, but there's something about mothers and daughters. ...again, i've digressed.

i don't know what pip is feeling, not fully, not with true understanding because i don't know what is going on, or what has been. but i do know that there were many times i hated to see my mom in me. but pip, he can't be all bad.

he made you.

and you, my sweet friend, are a priceless, beautiful, wonderful, honest, real, genuine, perfect, gentle, work of art....


I can see the tears filling your eyes
And I know where they’re coming from
They’re coming from a heart that’s broken in two
By what you don’t see
The person in the mirror
Doesn’t look like the magazine
Oh but when I look at you it’s clear to me that

I can see the fingerprints of god
When I look at you
I can see the fingerprints of god
And I know it’s true
You’re a masterpiece
That all creation quietly applauds
And you’re covered with the fingerprints of god

Never has there been and never again
Will there be another you
Fashioned by god’s hand
And perfectly planned
To be just who you are
And what he’s been creating
Since the first beat of your heart
Is a living breathing priceless work of art and

Just look at you
You’re a wonder in the making
Oh and god’s not through no
In fact he’s just getting started

i yove you pip.