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being enamored...

and other stuff i feel like saying. so i'm going to. because it's my site and i can say things if i want to.
i wrote about being enamored before. and i thought after a bit, that i really wasn't. turns out, i am still. it's kind of fun. :)
i like it a lot.

i would also like to say, to pip, pookie, and valmarie, i have so enjoyed this ongoing conversation we've had going. i think we should do things like that more. or maybe we should just see each other more often, because then it wouldn't be necessary to 'talk' through our blogs. honestly. how silly. but still funny.
i keep thinking back to that snowball... and saving people. and that whole train of thought which i am apparently still on. ...

it would seem that some things in our lives, are just going to work, dammit, or we will be unhappy without them. and i they don't work, then so be it, i'm going to cling to it and it will suffocate me in the end. well, that's at least an attutide that is pretty pervasive in america. those self destructive ways many of us have. .... i hate watching people self destruct. i'm sure there have been times when my pookie has felt she's watching me self destruct. or my parents. or the danas.... seeing me do something, whatever it may have been, that just simply wasn't a good thing. ... now i'm watching that happen. i'm feeling so helpless. because i am.
i know there is nothing that i can do. nothing i can change about what is happening.
nothing to do but watch this person destroy themselves, slowly, repeatedly. ...
I KNOW I CAN'T DO ANYTHING. (to all those who seem to think i don't know this). i'm aware of being helpless...

i just hate it. and i hurt to see it happen.
is that wrong??


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