(no longer a nanny)Kate

shootings, D.C., and my own worries....

our nations capital has been bombarded, literally, this past week. in the last 6 days there have been 8 shootings within an hour of my home, within an hour of DC in montgomery county, MD, Bowie MD, and the northern part of DC itself. 6 of these were fatal. two were not, a woman has survived an attack and a 13 year old boy, shot at school, is in critical, but stable condition.
i am frightened, not for myself, but for the girls i care for.
these shootings have been random, aimed at various people on the street, and now at a school, without any apparent rhyme or reason. none of the victims have known each other, were involved in any similar organizations, etc.
the killer(s)are ruthless, heartless type(s) aiming straight for our fear, and hitting it every time.
the article i read today in the metro section, by Marc Fisher made me cry. while miss j. ate her lunch, i sat with tears flowing over the constant fear which is gripping this area.

the police know nothing; they search woods and stop box trucks, and really, they don't even know what they're looking for. the politicians know nothing; they step before nests of microphones and for once, they're thankful for reporters' questions, because the statements are short and empty. teachers know nothing, except that hugs work and rule books don't. parents know nothing, except that they need to be with their children. children, even when they aren't told a thing, know too much.

in the vacuum, when they couldn't reach either of their parents by phone, two brothers, rommel pendaranda, who was home from work feeling ill, and emilio, who was home from high school with a case of hives, set out on foot to fetch their younger brother, jeremy, who was at tasker middle school. they take him out of school and place him between them, their arms stretched over the boy's shoulders, and now, as they walk home, rommel leans over and kisses jeremy on the top of the head. they don't know a thing, except that they have each other.

i am fearful. and it angers me to be afraid of monsters like these. that they are out there and this happens and someone, who is probably not connected to al quida and is terrorizing my new home area this way... it angers me more if these person(s) are not connected, because how and why would someone do this to us when we are afraid enough?
so i hate to say it, but i am hopeful they are al quida. connected somehow.
because the thought of a patriot killing this senselessly and shamelessly and violently tears my heart apart.

what have we become?
what have i become to hold anger toward another person in this way?
what have we done to ourselves to make one of us, in this time especially, do this to us?
i am fearful of what we've become. fearful of the fear i'm carrying for two little girls who are not my own but i would jump in front of a bullet to save.
fearful that they have to grow up in a society where this happens. fearful that they can't be kids.
fearful that none of us will be ever again.

addendum
another shooting happened wed night. in manassas. 45 minutes away. the mrs and i are probably more freaked .... her, because it's her kids, me because it's her kids.
what is wrong with people? how did the sickness of evil get this bad? how is this person(s) actually able to live with themselves?

i hate that i'm afraid.

addendum #2

another shooting occurred while i was writing the last entry. this man is also in the hospital.
what frightens me the most is not for my own life, i'm 26, i've lived a pretty good life so far. and i know where i am going when i die. God's house. i'm not worried as much for myself. i don't think i've ever really feared death.
i fear for the girls. for my kids at the church. for the safety of other people who have children or are caregivers.
they are people who, not that i'm not worthy to live, but are having their life ahead, decisions to make... i at least know heaven is my home. it waits for me as i wait for it (long term), but those who've yet to decide. or who are raising little people. i would hate to know any of the people who have lost their life have little children.
it is the hardest to lose a parent when you are young.
i do have some fear, i like life and want to live it, but death itself doesn't frighten me. i've seen it too many times. watched it. ... i sound morbid. but i have lost so many in my life for needless reasons that it no longer harbors power of me myself. not power of fear anyway.
this person is an idiot.
i pray they catch him soon.