Stupid Shoes
Sometimes shoes look real pretty but they're too small, too narrow, or too big and they really make you hurt. Because its just the wrong fit. And there is nothing like your feet hurting to make a day go down hill fast. (I know it for a fact- Ask any woman who really loved a pair of heels and thought, I can handle it, wore them to some fancy thing for too many hours and wanted to chop her feet off for the next 3 days).
Relationships can do the same things. You see other people's relationships, it looks nice and comforting and good. You meet someone and they're pretty (yes I use this term to mean both women and men, I say 'oh he's pretty' fairly often- Hello Orlando Bloom!!) and so you think, it would be so great to be involved with said pretty person in said nice, comforting, good relationship. (I've been there done this too. With enough of those pretty people to know when its the wrong fit and will hurt for likely more than 3 days).
I'm not about to delve into past relationships because 1) that just isn't fair to the pretty people and 2) because that isn't healthy. But there have been some really pretty people who have done some damage and caused me to wait for that pretty shoe to drop- hard.
I started posts about this but decided a few things- its not about them. Its about me and my reaction to the situation. While it may be that enough of these wrong fits have resulted in my anticipation of hurt and self-sabotage, it is still my response to the situation that needs work.
(Hence the very long hiatus from posts).
What I will say is that relationships take effort, and when things don't work out the way I think they should, or there's some disagreement of some kind, I have a tendancy to say enough, and work at getting out without just ending it. I sabotage it and make myself hurt in the process. Far from healthy I know. I am working on this now. A very long time ago I posted a letter to my 10 year old self- and I wrote about not finding the knight in shining armor- that he doesn't exist. Which in many ways is good because its hard to breath in corsetted dresses and I can only drink so much tea. :P But I seem to keep looking for it anyway. I keep hoping that somehow I live in this magical world or in some kind of movie where the characters do just what you want or hope them to do and people fall in love and live happily ever after. And it isn't that love lasting a lifetime isn't real- I know it is -and it will always take effort to make a relationship work. Sometimes you just need to find the right fit to begin with...
(Breaking them in will be so much easier then :) lol -sorry, terrible joke, but it was begging to be said).
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