(no longer a nanny)Kate

some thoughts

so a lot has been happening lately, including the fact that i started this post and somehow deleted the whole freakin' thing. oi. but i thought i'd try to go back and comment on what's been going on lately, as well as some stuff i've been thinking/wondering. here goes.

~ it is a joy to me that every 26 days i am reminded i am a girl and can bear children. actually, i am happy to be a girl. i don't enjoy being reminded every 26 days, nor do i plan on using the ability to bear children. ever.

so that was mostly sarcasm.

~ i am sooooo happy with who is on the cover of GQ this month. .... oooh another pretty face.

~ speaking of pretty boys... my friend melanie from my church was talking to me this morning about the precious, and that there is a list that's been published of top celeb's who will give autographs, and the top 'they'll scratch your eyes out while screaming no' celebs... guess who's on the never gonna get it list?? orlando. how much worse is it that he's at the top of the list??? oh how sad. melanie said she thought of me when she read that and how i wouldn't hear of his response, i'd find an alley to have my way with him.

i told her i would never become that obsessive. just because he's on my wallpaper, screen saver, and buddy icon does not make me obsessed. honestly. some people.

:)

~ i also wanted to say that last week was undoubtedly the hardest i've been through in a long time. and this doesn't make me love him any less or anything, but i have to say, i almost am at a relieved point. i feel like i can breathe. that i can be me and stop worrying about him. i know my friends have said some things about the situation with b. my family too for that matter. and how messed up things are.

chris, i'm sorry i didn't listen.

but i feel like i can breathe now. and i'm sleeping.



...it still hurts, but not in the same way. i also want to say that the office is undergoing major emotional overhaul, and it's cleansing and a comfort to be in this with people who care for you.

~ was in VA yesterday and brought home all of my things that had been in storage all this time. found my favorite shoes. (they're pretty too) and my dresses and dressier clothes as needed for church. .... and am really excited that in less than 2 weeks i get to sleep in MY BED!!!!!! (hallelujah!) i'm thinking about getting out my featherbed just for the sheer joy of being snuggled into some aspect of my bed... mmmm. got to see syd, clark, josie, and the baby and oh my, they grow up so fast. please Lord, don't let me be an 'auntie' that tells her that whenever i see her!! she's also the cutest baby i've ever seen. she's pretty too! :)

~ kitchen begins final rip up-destroy-refurbish & re-creation tomorrow. i hope it is as beautiful as it is supposed to be...

additionally, i am so much more outward focused, it makes me happy. 3 jobs, lots of kids running around all the time (at all of them) and a lot of good people.

i'm happy to be home.